It's Not My Fault!

Dale Carnegie, in one of his classic motivational book “How to Win Friends and Influence People” tells a story of a Couple. The wife in her Church Group with other women were involved one time in a self-improvement programme.

They wanted to be better wives and mothers; one of the assignment they were given was they should go home, and have their husbands to list out ten attitudes or things their husband will have them change or improve upon. So our lady came home and after attending to her man; and perhaps when he was in the best of moods told the husband the nature of the task and that it was important as she knows she may have been doing certain things he appreciated or dislike, and the intention is to ensure they are better off. It was probably an opportunity for this gentleman to speak his mind to his wife in a way she may not necessarily be angry, after all she is the one asking.

Our man asked that he was to be given the night, he will tell her in the morning, which was reasonable, he had to think. Early in the morning our man, was out of the house before his wife could remind him, he went immediately to a florist, place an order for ten Bouquets to be delivered to his wife before she lives the house. In the evening when this man returned his wife was overjoyed and rush to welcome her man, he simply told her “honey I love you the way you are”. The man probably thought of 1001 things he will like his wife to change, he could not settle on the worse or best 10, then in that process he remembered, hmm, what about me, she probably wants me to change twenty things, he realised also that he was not perfect and could fall short of his wife’s expectations also, so, he said, we are doing great, why apportion blame.

Often times in our daily activities and interactions in these life journeys, occasion abound where we make such statements as “It’s not my fault”. I remember one occasion in my days in the Secondary School, we were demonstrating about bad food we were given in the school. The Vice Principal who happens to be the younger brother of the Proprietor came to pacify us, and instead, attacked one of us, the SS 1 student at the time shouted “Sir, am not causer”, upon which he was given another blow, to correct him “my friend, there is no English word like causer”. He wanted to say he was not the cause of the rioting, simply, it was not his fault.

Several times when certain incidence turns out against what we expect or falls short of our expectations, we know that it’s not our fault, yes; the other person is the one at fault. So easy to know that it was not our making, if only the other person did this or that, things would have turned out differently, but they failed, so “it’s not my fault”.

Perhaps, there is this guy, a lady find so interesting, such that if he opens up his mouth, she may just consent, the guy on his part was expecting the lady to lead him into it, which our conventional society may not approve, but my guy like yours truly in the past “is not man enough”, then a very sharp guy just came and swept the lady off and, like someone who was sleeping at a train station, when he wakes up, the train has taken off, and he runs to catch up, some of the passengers who were there waiting, but who were alert, saw him running along, but they just could not help him, so they wave him, saying , hmm, sorry, ”but it’s not our fault. Wait another train will soon be here.” Our lady in question may just tell our man, “I’m honestly, very sorry, my heart belongs to Zee, it’s not my fault”.

The inspiration for writing this note came, as I lay on my bed waiting for a lady, we agreed we had issue to discuss and she agreed she was coming over to my place to see me. On several occasions, in the past we had schedule such meeting which end up not holding as she failed to show up and would not call to inform me on time that she would not make it, or even called me at all to tell me why she failed to show up until I called her after, to find out. When I asked her why, she would give her explanations. If I asked why she did not bother to call and inform me ahead or even after. Her explanations were always that she did not have credit on her phone, she did not have twenty naira to call in a pay phone and she forgot to send me an MTN call me back, which is free, and it’s not her fault”. Today, like in some previous occasion, the lady in question did not show up, and it’s not her fault. Because, it rained, even though, she would have come earlier before the rain, and she could also come after the rain, it is not her fault that she did not call to apologise because she does not have credit in her phone, it’s not her fault because though I called her twice today, and she assured me of coming, I should have still called when I saw the rain. It’s not her fault.

A lady I was toasting recently told me, that she has not been too lucky with guys, I wanted to ask her what happen in her previous outing then, I restrain myself, because three other ladies, and many if not 90% or more of our ladies, delectable, alluring and simply cutie. I tell you something, I saw a lady recently, as a matter of fact just last week at a training seminar, the kind of emotions that flows in my heart for this lady was wao! It’s just love at first sight, but I had to kill it, because, though still doubt, she had a ring on her finger, and she told my spy that she was married. It’s not her fault.

Like I was trying to say earlier, my ladies, are so well behaved, coordinated, lovely, understanding and caring, that in all break ups, it’s always the men that had faults. It’s not there faults. “No, it’s him, he is unfaithful, and he shows less care,” he is this or that, it’s not their fault.

The violence that greeted the aftermath of the recently concluded Presidential polls left many people dead, properties worth millions burnt down, by irate youths who felt their man was out-smarted unfairly. Some National youth corps members (NYSC) recruited by the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) were also among the victims. The young graduates who were deployed to assist in the conduct of the polls, were murdered in cold blood. The government did not claim responsibility, they put the blame on the opposition who were not humble enough in the spirit of sportsmanship after their defeat, the opposition led by their Principal, General Muhammadu Buhari, blamed the Federal Government and INEC, though they never told anyone to result to violence, but sometimes when someone feel cheated, he wants to vents his anger, was what the General said. The Governor of Bauchi, one of the states where the mayhem took place and the Director General of National Youth Service Commission, General Tsiga, incidentally both are Muslims, were rather spiritual, “the destiny of every man lies in the hand of Allah”. So, it’s not their fault.

A visit to a red-light district will amaze you with why this ladies, reduce themselves to that level. Even a research among the “wares” on display for prospective customers at Zone 4, in Abuja otherwise referred to as “Good evening sir”. They have their stories like all of us; some of them are the financial backbone of their families. The most outspoken of this group can confidently tell you, “it’s the oldest profession, there are people who cannot ordinary talk to a woman to win her heart, and they have the money, so here, they just come and all we talk about is pure business, then we help them out, with their need. And businesses are normally set up. When there is an identified need, so, its business, like every business, do you blame someone who sells pure water to you to quench your taste?” The bottom line and summary is that, it’s not their fault.

If you are reading this note, and you feel like, it’s biased about ladies. Why am I given more examples that relate to ladies? What do you expect, it’s now 6:47pm by my laptop as I write this line, obviously since my girl does not sleep outside, and its more than twenty five minutes on bike from her house to my house, and bike stop movement by 7:00pm, she is certainly not coming; thre will be no call to apologise and when next we meet, ste’ll tell me ‘it’s not my fault.’

Whose fault is it? Am sure it’s not your fault either!

© Jacob Longpring _OCFR