The larger tradition of humanity considers it appropriate that it’s the man that goes to a woman to ask her out. Contemporary society on a daily basis is advocating that it does not matter, a lady could ask a guy she is passionate about out, more so when some guys are not “just man enough” to face the emotional task of asking a lady out.
Psychologist holds it, that ladies grow emotionally faster than boys, and so, by the time a guy is old enough to contemplate asking a girl out, who may be his age mate, such a girl would have grown pass the guy in that direction. She might have had dealings with older boys, so she is already way ahead, of the guy who may be a “green”, and that further frighten the weaklings.
But what really is behind the mind of a guy when he comes calling on a lady to ask her out. A lady once observed that when a guy sees a lady and says “hei, you look pretty and sweet” and you know the lady will be like, ”Thank you”, or “fanks” which is the latest in our grammatical permutations. What the gentleman has in mind or what he would have said is “you look so pretty and sweet, please, can I have the honour of a coital experience with you”. Whether it’s true or not, I will not be able to say. But generally, psychologist and sociologist tell us that guys are moved by what they see, while ladies are moved by what they hear. The guy who knows how to inflame a lady with sweet words is the ladies’ man. Telling them things that excite them, makes them feel very happy, even if they are not true. Like telling a lady “you are the most beautiful girl in the world”. Beauty though, they say is in the eye of the beholder.
Religion tells us that when God created man, he discovered that the man need a companion other than the animals he had named, which in itself was a herculean task, he brought woman to him, and the man exclaim in admiration. “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”1 The emotional pulse was touching. Adam never had to go out, she was delivered to him handy, by the almighty creator himself, or so we are told.
Without reproduction, no specie will survive; it will only take time for that specie to go extinct, when reproduction is halted permanently. There are several ways or factors by which specie will go into extinction but one sure way is failure in reproduction. So for humanity to continue to remain, reproduction must be sustain, and for reproduction to be sustain, a man and woman must continue to engage in coitus, and for coitus to continue to go on, a man must keep calling at the doors steps of our ladies, and for that to continue, and for the ladies not to be abused, she may ask what really is in the mind of the guy, when he come calling.
The heart of a man is desperately wicked, so says the words of a spiritual book. Knowing the inner intentions of an individual is not so an easy task. More so, when sometimes even the individual himself, may not really know what is driving him/her. You hear people say sometimes “I just don’t know why I did it” or “did I say that”. This shows that the actions were not the result of, deliberate conscious efforts. If that could happen to an individual, then imagine an outsider probing into, another’s mind to dig out the intentions.
We could however, generalise the issues, within which the intentions of every man who come calling will fall in. Here we are considering an adult, above 18 years of age and not teenagers inclusive. It is assumed that people below 18 are not in good position to make a responsible lasting decision, that is only an assumption anyway, as contemporary society proves otherwise in some cases, but let us not divert into that argument.
For the fun of it, a guy may come calling, such a guy may not have any real intention beyond braggadocio, and he probably has been challenge by his friends that he lacks what it takes to approach the lady on a date. So, in other to prove he is capable, he may come calling. Or it may just be, he want to amuse himself by seeing how the lady will respond.
Here the guy come calling, because he is lonely. He needs a friend, someone who could fill a void his friends and family have not been able to fill. There are times as a man, you just want to have the opposite sex around, and it gives you inspiration to move on. So, when such times come in the life of a man or a guy you just look out for a lady, and sure he come calling.
Dissatisfied or angry lovers
When a man is in a relationship, and there are some unresolved issues, quarrels, disagreement, cheating etc. it could ginger the guy to want to go calling on another prospective lady.
In homes sometimes, it fun when the family decides to just go and eat out. Even though it usually very expensive compared to just preparing the same meal at home, yet for the fun of it, and for the joy of just relaxing and been served, you go outside. In the same vein, a man may come calling just because he wants to eat outside, once in a while.
Some guys come calling, because they wants to be reckon with as the most capable guy in town or on campus. He wants to be the guy to have lain with the highest number of ladies around. Perhaps that may be included in the Guinness book of record in the future.
The Gold Digger
The guy come calling, because he wants to access the ladies wealth, fame or fortune.
The guy come calling to exploit an opportunity, may be the lady has had a bad experience in life, so he just sneak in as the good guy. Or may be a boss in the office or a lecturer in the school; just want to use the privilege position to have a feel.
Shopping for Household Belonging
Just for the fun of it, I will like to tag the guy with this title. Here the guy come calling because he needs a wife. Someone, he could live his life with, as husband and wife, hopefully to raise a family, through child bearing, thus sustaining the seed of humanity.
The list is by no means exhaustive, there are several other reasons why a guy will come calling, but most of them when expanded may still fall in the categories we have considered, like the Contractors here our man comes just with the intention of getting the lady to bear him a child at a price. Thereafter, the lady will sign a legal document or oath taken, agreeing to forfeit the right to claim motherhood. There is the Messengers here a guy come calling, the lady may be thinking he is personally interested, only to discover that he is fronting for a friend, colleague or family member.
The incumbency of searching out the real intention of the guy who come calling lies squarely with the Lady. She must strive to know what the guy is looking for, so as to make the best out of it. This will equally have to do with the lady herself.
It does appear to me that the ladies do find it difficult knowing what they want, not to talk of searching out the heart of the guy who come calling, you will hear a lady say “ I just don’t knooooow”. Such ladies are vulnerable to the guys who have the right words. Out of the few successful people we have in the World today and in the past, very few are by accidents if at all. It is always by deliberate conscious efforts.
For you to be able to adequately pluck in the mind of another person, to seek out hidden intentions, first you must understand yourself. You must be able to deep into the inner vestibule of your own mind and search out: What drives you as an individual, what motivates you to do certain things? What is your value system, very important? What do you want per time?
My observations with ladies is that it does appears, they don’t seems to know some of those things, hardly will you see a lady, tell you when she will like to get married when discussing her future plans. Is like they just wait when the “right man” come, ask further the definition of a right man, the religious minded will say God fearing, ask definition of God fearing and she will be like “ah you know now, God fearing”. Remember for most ladies, the guy that wins, is the guy who knows what to say, how to say it, and when to say it. Whether the guy is sincere or not, he will have over 85-90% of the ladies.
Know yourself, know what you want, don’t be carried away, don’t let the good guy slip away, except if you are planning to bask in the pleasure of a broken heart, in the future.
We can try hard to hide our character, to know what is in the mind, listen to the person speech carefully, and weigh every word. It’s out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh, ask questions, and look out for eye contact, gestures, while an individual speaks, the mouth can lie, but not the eyes.
Remember, no one is above a mistake. If after all said and done, you find out that you have fall prey, don’t kill yourself; don’t go for fire and brim storm approach. Just let go, and see the brighter side. There is always something positive you can learn, religious people tells us that God made man and said ‘good’. Later on the said ‘and it repented God, that he made man’.
Be careful, though, when the next man come calling.
© Jacob Longpring OCFR
1 Holy Bible Gen 2:23